I Never Promised You a Doll that Poops
by crawling sickness
Summary: I hope this isn't done. Probably has. GIR goes shopping with Zim but Zim wont get anything for Gir. In order to get what he wants, he must shoplift. Yeah, he gets into trouble.


I Never Promised You a Doll That Poops

"OooooOOOoo!!!! What's that?" Gir asked Zim as they passed an aisle of pearly white toilet seats neatly set along a wall. Zim greatly despised having to bring Gir along when he went shopping. But with Gir at home unsupervised, he causes too much trouble and damage.

"Oh! Pretty!" Gir squealed and pointed to his reflection in a mirror. He ran up and pressed his little face and paws on it, hugging the mirror. Gir started to drool, making his dog disguise damp and the mirror slimy.

A woman and her young son stopped to watch Gir. She rose a skeptical pencil-lined eyebrow. As soon as they noticed what was going on, they slowly walked away, but kept looking back at Gir if anything stranger happened.

"Grrrrr..." Zim, in his old man disguise, growled and tugged hard on Gir's dog leash as he noticed other shoppers were staring at them.

"Yes, my master!" Gir hopped to Zim's side.

They wandered around Genikymart as Zim searched for gerbil food for the lab pigs. //clearly Zim doesn't know what pigs are comfortable eating// As Zim walked past shoppers, they turned their heads towards Zim, dragging a sickly looking dog with him.

"Can I get that?" Gir asked. He pointed at a wooden chair.

"No."

"What about that?" Gir pointed to a chair that looked exactly like the other. 

"No."

"Oh! How about that?" Gir pointed to a new Bulimy Lobie Doll when they entered an aisle full of toys. "It talks, blinks, and poops! Wow.. Pleeeaasssee?"

"Umm... I don't think so," Zim replied, as he looked hard at the stick figure doll. Zim finally found a box of gerbil food and went to wait at the checkout line.

"Master, why can't I get anything? These shiny things... are just... too much!! I must have them!" Gir grabbed a bag of Skittles on a near by shelf and rubbed it vigorously on his stomach. The bad ripped and multicolored Skittles scattered on the floor. When all the Skittles fell out of the bag, Gir miserably looked at it then crumpled it up and ate it. He looked at Zim in anguish. Large tears fell from his eyes. It hurt Zim to look at Gir when he was sad.

"I came here to buy one thing and ONE thing only!" He shook the box of gerbil food in front of Gir's face and looked away before he relented and actually bought the Lowbie Doll for Gir. Zim stepped a few faces forward as the line to the counter shortened.

Gir looked up at his master again to see if he was watching. Zim had his attention elsewhere. Very slyly, Gir creped closer to a shelf stocked full of candy and cheap, worthless toys. He stole a packet of Twinkies and popped it in his mouth. When he was sure no one was watching him, he stole an armful of Twinkies and hugged them before shoving them all into his mouth. A rush, the adrenaline, that feeling of excitement came over his idiotic program chip.

Gir quickly waddled away from his master and to the toy section in search of the Bulimy Lowbie doll and other toys.

A beautiful light from the heavens shone down on a large shelf of toys as the rest of the store darkened.

Gir yelped with glee. He leaped to the shelf and rummaged through the toys until he found some that were worthy enough for him. Gir tossed the not-so-squeaky toys away, hitting shoppers as they passed.

"Eek! A dog! It's horrible!" shrieked a lady.

Gir turned away from the shelf and vomited the Twinkies to make room for the toys. When he was finished, he continued stuffing more toys in his mouth and the small compartment of a head.

"Hey! Stop right now!" a man wearing a brown Genikymart vest yelled to Gir. His words didn't get through Gir. Instead, the sounds of squeaks from the toys occupied him. He made noises of joy as he found a toy dog to be ultra squishy. //you know, those cute little noises he always makes//

Annoyed, the Genikymart worker jerked him off the shelf. "It looks like you're shoplifting. Are you shoplifting? We have a place for people who shoplift," he said as he dragged Gir by his leash to a hidden room in the back of the store.

They soon arrived in a small, gloomy room lit only by a bare light bulb attached by a wire to the ceiling. The room wasn't well furnished. It simply held a long, wooden table in the center of the room with two folding chairs on its sides.

There was a man already seated on one of the chairs. The Genikymart worker set Gir down on the chair across from him and left the room.

"Gir? Gir where are you?" Zim said, more to himself than out loud. The cashier handed him a plastic bag with the gerbil food he had just purchased inside. Zim quickly grabbed it and ran to the place where he last saw Gir. He was no where to be seen. Zim became furious, but slowly the anger diminished and was replaced by fear and panic. What if the humans capture Gir and they discover that he's a robot created by a species more intelligent and highly advanced then they are? Then they'll report Gir to the authorities, and they'll track Zim down and capture him and Dib's dream of Zim's organs being strewn all over an autopsy table will finally come true? //Eeek!!// Zim shuddered at the graphic thought.

"Gir? Gir, where are you?! Gir?" Zim yelled, doubting that his voice was audible over the annoying buzz of many shoppers.

"Well, hello there. I'm Jack, Genikymart's manager. Now, I've heard that we've been having problems with you out there, no?" Jack said camly. Don't sound threatening, appear to be gentle and caring. They'll become more eased to talk, Jack thought.

Gir couldn't answer for his mouth was filled with toys and candy. His small tin body was tightly packed with stuff. Gir started to swing his little legs back and forth.

Ok, new approach. It was going to be more difficult than Jack thought. But hopefully he wouldn't have to call the police and make them handle things. He could do things on his own. Jack was a big boy.

"Is there something you would like to share?" asked Jack.

Gir stopped swinging his legs and looked down at them, ashamed. He opened the tin cover on his head. Suddenly a stream of toys and candy shot out in the air and fell to the floor with squeaks. They continued to shoot out from Gir's head. Jack was amazed that such a little dog could hold and suppress so many things. He fell to the floor and crawled under the table to be protected from the shower of toys.

When the last stuffed doll fell, Jack came from beneath the table, eyes wide with fear and astonishment.

".... Meow." Gir smiled innocently and continued to swing his legs.

"It's just a dog..." Jack assured himself he wasn't imagining. Put on a happy face, Jack, and breathe. "Okayyyy! So, while your owner is on their way here, we're going to let you stay in...._jail_, for shoplifting. Have fun!" Jack smiled and waved goodbye.

"But you don't know who my master is and if he's coming or not" said Gir.

A police officer unlocked the jail bars and slid them open to throw Gir inside. Then she quickly slid them shut and locked it.

Gir recovered from the fall and ran up to the bars. Flowing down his face were heavy drops of tears. He stuck his head through the bars and started to cry. His cries were loud and menacing. They continued for about 5 minutes.

"C'mere!" yelled a deep voice from behind. A tall, chunky, hairy man pulled Gir from the bars and threw him against the wall. Gir hit the wall and fell to the cold, hard floor and looked up. Three large men glared at Gir while rubbing their mud caked palms over their knuckles and licking the drool off their evil grins. 

"Fresh meat," muttered one man, while an excessive amount of drool slipped down the corner of his mouth.

*Gulp* Gir swallowed down a lump of fear in his throat and started to crabwalk away from the men, but they kept coming nearer.


End file.
